Brylins Birth Story

She is here!!

Its good I didn't know how much I was going to love this little girl, or how much I was going to love this new gig of mine. If I had known these last 9 months would have been the longest of my life. Now I understand why people get so impatient being pregnant.

Instead, I spent the last 9 months scared out of my mind about giving birth. I was prepared to stay pregnant forever if I could just avoid the actual process of getting the young babe out of me. Matt would have to remind me of why I would be going through it. Ridiculous right? Its really embarrassing how selfish I was being.

Turns out "good" birth stories exist. But I wouldn't have known that by all the horror stories people decided to share with me. I'm still confused as to why people think a 9 month pregnant wimp is the ideal audience for their birth story. Everything went so much better that I thought it could. And instead of being delirious with pain and feeling like my body was being forever ruined- I felt closer to this new little human, Matt, and Heavenly Father than ever before.

With Matt spending the weekdays working in Airdre I was so scared that he would miss our babe being born. Once he got back from his interview in Cleveland on the 15th I was a little more sure that he would be here for the actual birth... but nervous he wouldn't be home when I went into labour.
At my last appointment the doctor let me know that if I hadn't gone into labour by the 24th she would induce me if I wanted. She had checked me at that appointment and I was at a 2 and very "favorable". This was super exciting to me- until I went home and googled things up and realized that girls are walking around at a 2 for weeks- months even. So maybe I would make it tot he 24th and be induced, which wouldn't be bad. That way Matt would for sure be there... but it would also mean there would be less than a week between when she would be born and when we were supposed to go back to Utah. Not ideal. So, I decided she had to be born on the 17th. It was a Saturday, 2 weeks before Utah, and turns out it was our due date.

Friday (the 16th) when Matt got home we decided we had better celebrate our Anniversary the next day- because who knows when we will get the chance. Matt was going to make a waffle breakfast feast to start the day off. So we headed to Safeway to get somethings. We were about to leave the store... looking at frozen strawberries... when I a little bit peed my pants. Thats embarrassing....we should probably go home now. We were putting away our breakfast foods when I a lot a bit peed my pants. "Ummmmm hubs- something is happening. I think my water broke". So we gather up the hospital bag and other last minute things. I was surprisingly calm. But Matt was uber calm. I feel like the more stressful the situation- the more calm the boy gets. Which is good usually... but sometimes I would appreciate a good freak out from him. Or at least once.
We get to the emergency room and have to talk to the slowest, most grumpiest secretary lady ever. She sends us upstairs. I want to kick her shins before we go- but I dont. I am still feeling calm... even a little excited. When we get there I am hooked up to the monitors and we wait. Homegirl was feeling a little dozy so they left me on the monitors for such a long time. They do some tests to see if my water broke.... it didn't. I legit did just pee my pants. Blush. The nurse says she will check me anyways. It must have been slow at the hospital that night because I kind of felt like I was just being checked for fun. But surprise I was at a 4! She asked me again if I had been having any contractions. No, no. She again reminds me how favorable I am. She decides to call the doc to see if he (not my regular Dr because its a weekend) wants to keep me. I am denied by the hospital gods and sent home. I feel like the Lethbridge hospital kind of has a reputation for this. The nurse tells me that because of my "favor" the contractions will likely start soon. And when they do they will be "strong and hard" (not a great thing to tell the queen of all wimps). She says she wouldn't be surprised if I came back in that night.
So we get in the car.. and decide to go to Matts parents to pick up a waffle iron. If we happen to be at home Saturday morning we might as well have anniversary breakfast party. After we have the goods we go home and go right to bed. It was only like 9 but we were sure we would be up in a few hours to have a baby. Around midnight the contractions started. Throughout the night they averaged about 9 min apart and lasted about 30 seconds. The hospital pounds it in your head not to come in until they are 5 min apart and last 1 min. And I aint going to be rejected again. So I keep by butt in bed. By 7 I couldnt stay in bed any longer... but I still wasnt 5 min apart. So on we go to breakfast party. Matt was the chef and I lay on the couch, reading a waffle recipe between contractions. After we ate my contractions slowed down a ton. Like every 15-20 min. Great. By noon I was just annoyed by them. Either lets do this or just stop, this in between stuff was crappy.
So Matt and I walk to the park and pace it back and forth. There was only a little strip of shade so we walked that thing like a bunch of creepers for quite a while.
This didn't seem to help, so we talk about going to a movie. But right before we were going to leave we decide maybe a nap was a better idea. Ya right. You do not simply nap through contractions. Mostly because of the pain... but also because I was obsessed with tracking them on my phone. Cant be sleeping through prime data collection.
Matt tries some of the massages we learned in pre-natal. And they were actually pretty helpful. But sure as heck aren't speeding things up. Then the idea of walking of Costco comes up. Were about to go when a strong contraction comes and mom says I feel like maybe you should go to the hospital instead of Costco. Fine.
So at 4 pm, back in the car we get- dont worry we already have it loaded with our stuff. This time the emergency lady was super helpful and quick and I loved her. She sends us up really quick. We get up to the 3rd floor... and Tiffany looses it. I told Matt how scared I was and the tears start flowing and I stop moving. Ill just hangout in the elevator thanks. Hubs gives me some pump up words, and a few kind nudges and were on our way again. Back into the monitoring room. The nurse asks how far apart my contractions are, they were still like 8 or 9 min, but I lie a little for the fear of being sent home and say 6. Again they hook me up to the monitors, again she isnt moving a ton so they leave me on there forever. But this time it is super uncomfortable. The contractions have almost totally moved to my back. Mmmmm back labor, I have heard about you. I try to reposition- the nurse positions me back to the worst angle ever. She says that my contractions are still all over the place (lying doesn't do a kid much good when hooked up to monitors) and that they will probably have to send me home until they become more regular. Awesome. But again she says she will check me "just to see". And then she gets a surprised look and tells me I am at a 6! She goes to call the doctor but says now she thinks they will keep me. O thanks. Then things really started to pick up.
Within 10 min ( I think?) I was in the delivery room. The nurse had asked me if I wanted anything for the pain. I said I wanted an epidural, and she told me the anesthesiologist had just been there so he was probably still pretty close and that they would start my lab work right away and have him come back. Then I have another freak out. And say well... maybe we should wait. (WHY in the world would I say that- I dont know. Actually I do. I thought I was going to have to have a catheter. And maybe didnt want that... I think at this point I was kinda loosing it). She says well its up to you. Matt (thank goodness) steps in and says that we would like to get it now. The worst part of getting the epidural was the IV... which they did 3 times, and also did 2 numbing shots.
There were tons of nurses running around the room doing who knows what, and then a man comes in with cowboy boots and a Dallas cowboys shirt on. And he just watches. And that was a little awkward... until he told me he was the doctor. He checked me and told me I was at a 9. Things were going WAY faster than I thought they could. The nurse then tells me that when she said I was at a 6 she thought I was more at a 7 or 8. So me and nurse lady lied to each other a lot that afternoon, at least it was going both ways.
Then I had some sort of groggy surreal nap. Matt fed me ice chips and we waited. Cowboy/Dr comes back and checks me again, Im at a 10 and its go time. By now its about 7. I pushed for 45 min and then all of a sudden Matts lips turned white. And his eyes got a little teary. Causing me to get super teary. Our little Brylin was here! She was born at 7:57pm and was 7 lbs 5 oz, 19 inches long. They never told me her Apgar score but I over heard the nurses saying it was between an 8 and 9. She has blonde/red/lightbrown hair. No one is really sure. And her eyes haven't decided what they want to be yet. We think they are leaning to the blue side, but sometimes I see little brown flecks in the sun.

I hope I never ever forget those first few minutes of her life. There was so much going on around us, but it was still one of the most special moments of my entire life.

And I didn't die getting her here, which after hearing everyones stories I thought was pretty likely.

We stayed in the hospital until Monday morning and then we were given the go ahead to go home.

It was so nice to get to go home to my parents house because after Matt had to go back to work I wouldn't have been able to do it without mom and dads help. And it was so fun to watch them with her. I feel like I got a little glimpse of what life was like for me in the first few weeks. And it was so cool to watch them to become grandparents. This little one is lucky to have so many people on both sides of our family that love her so much already.

I am obsessed with every little part of this little girl. Her left ear has a little crimp in it that I think is the cutest thing ever and I hope it never goes away. Her feet are 110% Matts. Like its almost creepy. Same toes, feet, toe nails- she is just missing some hair on her toes. They kind of look like shrunken man feet more than baby feet. And they are so ticklish. She rolled over from her back to her tummy at 9 days old. She now rolls from her tummy to her back too and its become a frequent thing. It has been so neat to watch her eyes develop and focus on Matt and I.

Today I thought I would start brainwashing her into loving country music. I turn on Pandora and Tim McGraws "My Little Girl" comes on. Hello water works. Then "Your going to miss this". I am not ready for country music if they insist on singing such songs.

I love her more than I thought a person could love another so instantly. She wakes up around 4 every morning, and I get a little excited to pick her up, feed her, and snuggle her for a bit. I am sure this excitement will fade quickly. And by the time she wakes up at 7:30 I am not quite so eager, but it still such a rush to see her little face in the morning, and know that she is ours.

Surprises

Last Wednesday was the ugliest of days for me. No make up, crazy top bun, and chances are I was wearing Matts clothes. So when the doorbell rings at 10 at night a girl doesn't jump to answer. And when her mom tells her to answer she says no.

But its probably pretty good that I did. There stands Haliaka and her husband Matt. Cue freakout. A serious freakout for a really long time. And I may have peed a bit. I literally don't think I have ever been so surprised! I was absolutely thrilled. Haliaka is honestly like a sister to me. We clicked our first year at BYU and have been a giggly mess since. Last time I saw her was over a year ago at her wedding, and before that, another year- at my wedding. And we all know wedding get-togethers are the best place to catch up so it was soooooo nice to be able to spend the weekend together and just hang out. Also- how sneaky!! Her and my sweet mother had been planning this surprise visit for months- it may have been the only thing that could possibly take my mind off of waiting for a baby. Such great timing.

I couldn't sleep that night because of the excitement levels. I am sort of pathetic. And childish. But I was up the next morning at 6 and it took all of my will power not to run upstairs and jump on Haliaka and Matts bed and start some sort of adventure.

Matt came home from Airdre early so we could all hang out. On Thursday night we went on our first of many double dates. Haliaka and I had been day dreaming of this day for years. And it went very well. Our Matts got a long so well- they have so many similarities its kinda crazy.

Friday morning was raining like crazy. But there isn't a lot to do in southern Alberta- so we couldn't let a little precipitation interfere with our plan to go to Waterton. It was a soppy trip but a success. We spent some time in the Prince of Wales, went out for lunch, lots of drives, tried to go on a 1 km hike but got so wet we had to turn around (being 9 months prego and wearing flip flops also didn't help the situation), obviously got some ice cream, and saw 3 bears!

                                            

We get home... and the living room is full of balloons and decorations. A surprise baby shower whaaaaaatt?! Cue freak out round 2. The theme was Dr. Suess and it was stinkin ADORABLE. There were books everywhere and a cute banner that Haliaka had made. There was "green" deviled eggs and ham that Matts mom and Linds had made. Mom had made some "Thing 1" and "Thing 2" cupcakes with big puffs of blue cotton candy on the top. Everything was so cute. Except for me. I looked like a wet rat. 15 min to get ready before people start coming. Ready go.

I didnt take a darn picture the whole night. It made my heart hurt. Thank you Ashley for all of these! I owe you.

                                     

I am one lucky girl. So many people were so generous and sweet and Matt, homegirl, and I got so spoiled. Why are miniature anythings so much cuter than regular sized? Melts my heart. After the shower I finally started to feel like we were ready for the babe.

Saturday we hung out at Matts house and then went for Poutine at Red Dog Diner. We spent the afternoon playing games and then Matt and Haliaka made homemade pizza for us. Yum.

So basically it was the best weekend ever. I super love surprises. And got 2 of the best surprises ever within days of each other. My mom says now its my turn to surprise and have a baby.

Matt leaves for Cleveland tomorrow afternoon and will be back Monday night. I plan on standing on my head for the entire time he is gone.

As of today I am at 39 weeks. My hands and feet couldn't get fatter. They have creases on them where the skin is being stretched to the limit. Are stretch marks possible on ones hand?  I have been reading a book called Hypnobirthing that has helped to calm me down about the whole birthing thing- a lot. Dont worry that for weeks my dad thought I was reading Hypobirthing.

My hospital bag is packed, I have tested Matt multiple times on all the things he needs to remember to tell the nurses/Dr incase I forget, and homegirls red minky/cheetah blanket is done. What else does a girl need right? So come Tuesday I think we will be ready for this babe to show up.

36.5 weeks

In a few short days I will have a fully cooked baby inside of me!!

I feel like there is so much I still need to get ready and do before she comes. But I cant think of what. Sooo to make myself feel better I make a ridiculous amount of headbands. Super helpful for sustaining life.

This summer has been consumed by 1- Baby and 2- Dental school applications. Last week Matt got interview invites to not 1, but 2 schools!! We are super duper excited. They are both great schools that Matt would love to go to. One is in Ohio and the other is in Florida... I wouldn't be mad if we lived in Florida for 4 years.
Bad news is... one of these said interviews is Aug 12th. Remember my due date? Its Aug 17th. 5 days people!! The likelihood that I will be in labour while hubs is in freaking Ohio is not low. I seriously pray every day that she will come any day but that day. He is flying out late on the 11th and coming back right after his interview on the 12th.  We are livin' on the edge folks.

I still feel pretty darn good... minus the pills I have to take because of the root canal I just had. Those a little bit make me feel like a bus ran over my stomach.

On the way home from Cold Lake on Monday we decided we were finally going to name this babe. We didn't... but we came up with a solid list of 7 "finalist" names. We keep hearing that sometimes you need to see them before you really pick a name... true? Im not sure how it could be, but thats what we are counting on. Middle names are still up in the air. We haven't even decided how many lil homegirl will have, let alone what they/it will be.

On Tuesday we got to talk to Nicole while she was at the airport waiting to go to Reno. And yesterday we got 3 letters from her. Apparently the mail man decided to keep all her MTC letters until then. And her Mission President emailed mom and dad and attached a letter from her. She is doing so good... its kind of amazing how good. She has endless stories of pranks she has pulled on the elders and her MTC roommates. And she is full of so many little nuggets of great advice and such a good perspective on life.

34 Weeks

2 posts in 1 day? Dang, self.

It seems that we are ACTUALLY having a baby people. Its all getting real, and quick, and I now understand the term nesting.

In the last 24 hours I have gone through all of her clothes for the 2nd time, washed them, found them a spot in the closet, sewed 3 headbands, 1 skirt, bought a few binkies, and spent a few too many hours  researching diaper bags, rearranged out bedroom, and scrubbed the entire bathroom.

I have only really had one craving, vanilla soft serve ice cream. And I have it often. Is that a craving or just a fatty quality? I dont know. But I cant get enough of the stuff. Matt doesn't complain. He might when his wife has gained 50 lbs... but as of right now he likes it.

My doctors appointments have been up-ed to once a week. I remember at my first appointment when they told me that would happen... and it seemed forever away. Here we are. And from what I hear the appointments are about to get a little more "exciting".

Homegirl is a dang ninja in there. Its the weirdest thing in the world to see your watermelon belly move out of the corner of your eye. Or to have the book your reading jump because it gets smacked by some little body part. She only seems to get the hiccups when its time to sleep. And for the last few days she likes to ram little body parts into my left hip. Im not sure if thats possible, but its sure what it feels like.

Overall, I have felt really good. The nausea/back ache that were the first semester havent returned (knock on wood) and I can still flush public toilets with my foot so I really have nothing to complain about..... except.... for the HEAT. I am seriously cooking from the inside out.

We do have one problem however... naming the babe. Its getting more stressful as the days go on. Matt is 100% sold on one name...which makes all of my suggestions useless. We are taking suggestions. Seriously. Good, not overly-used, not overly-weird, spellable, cute suggestions :)

In our prenatal class the instructor asked "where is the worse place for a woman to be in stage 1 labour?" the answer she got?.... "The States" And its kind of true. Tomorrow we are going to Babb MT, which I have been told by some insurance companies is "very risky". But there is huckleberry ice cream there sooooo its worth the risk. Mom wants to go on a walk around a lake "without any elevation" (I have heard THAT one before). Pops thinks I shouldn't be doing that "in my condition". I will try to convince them to let me take one for the team and sit on my butt and wait for them at the ice cream shop.

Sister Smith

Nicole came back from her Spring Semester a few weeks ago and it has been a whirlwind since! I laugh more with that girl than is tolerable to most around us. We started every morning she was here with a "breakfast party"and came up with some delish foods. One of the days the whole fam headed to Cardston for some "mission pictures".

Our trusty helper

After pictures we had a fire on Smith owned land. Which is rare. As in it had never happened. Pops is particular about his land and only Nicole suggesting it a week before leaving on her mission could convince him to dig up a chunk of it and start a big ol bonfire. A direct quote from dad to Nicole "You can get away with just about anything until you leave". In my opinion she should have taken advantage of that more than she did.

Grandma, Bud, Aunt Judy, and Aunt Tonya came up for Nicoles farewell. There was a lot of things to get ready so we spend a lot of time setting up chairs (by "we" I guess I mean "they"... I was less than helpful) and cutting buns. But we had lots of fun with them in the short time they were here. We went to some horse races, a baseball game, and had a insane game of pictionary.

For some reason kissy pose seemed like their best option 

                                      

The next week we expanded our meal "parties" to lunch and dinner. Nicole said their was something wrong with mom and dads scale because it told her she had gained 10 lbs since she left BYU. Im not sure that was the case. Sister sympathy prego weight? 

Last weekend we went to West Castle for our last family trip for a year and a half. We couldn't go too far because of my "condition" as my family calls it. My mom kept talking about how the group is only as strong as the weakest link.... I obviously being the weakest link. Ouch my heart. Not really. We got to stay in a really nice cabin, which is my kind of camping. We bobbed around in some unbelievably cold water, had a good bonfire, and played an insane amount of games- and dad hates games- back to the "get away with anything" theory.

This last week was mostly spend packing and getting the child ready to live out of a suitcase for a year and half. She was way past her 8 outfit limit..... but really, how hard would that be?!? Monday night we went to Despicable Me 2... twice, because the first time it was sold out. That was really the only thing she really wanted to do before she left... and shoot a gopher.

That night there was a bit of a baby scare and mother and I hung out at the hospital until 3 am. All is well and it seems I am just a bit on the nervous side, but it resulted in Nicoles last day here being a pretty groggy one. This is a crazy summer for the Smiths I tell you.

Nicole hates goodbyes more than anything, and decided she would rather fly out of Lethbridge rather than have us drive down to the MTC. She flew out at 5:30 am yesterday morning. I have been dreading that since the moment she told me she wanted to go on a mission almost a year ago. But it wasn't nearly as devastating as I thought it was going to be. There were no ugly cry snorts or year long hugs. She looked more excited than nervous and as far as I could tell her tears were gone by the time she got through security. 

Breakfast this morning was less than a party... and I have gone to text the kid about 10 times today... but I know that what she is doing is so important and right and that there is no place better for her to be for the next 18 months than teaching the people in Nevada.

And dont worry, Mom and I have both a package and a postcard that we are sending off to her tomorrow. No sense in wasting any time right?

Smith Land Tour 2013

We have once again made the motherland our home. And have already been here for almost a month, in which time:

~ I have attended 2 pre-natal classes with my mother
~ I have spent 7 hours in doctors offices
~ I have dad to have my father save me from a spider 3 times
~ I have said goodbye to Matt 4 times, each time with more waterworks than the last
~ I have got asked by a homeless man downtown if I "had any extra skates" he could have. Skates?
~ I have planted countless vegetables in the back yard
~ I have not seen any form of life from any of those seeds mentioned above
~ I have become addicted to Dragons Den and Judge Judy
~ Mom and I have tested out a water aerobics class... and have not returned
~ I have been forced to pack up every childhood memory I have and compact them into a few "bins". Which were then dropped off at "the barn". This gives me anxiety.
~ We have substituted for a primary class, with a little girl who insisted on making chicken noises for most of it

I have had a ton of fun with mom and dad during the weekdays. I thought there would be more "downtime", but we have been busy with all sorts of self-induced projects/activities. I live for Fridays when Matt comes home and even though out weekends have mostly been full of "to-do" lists I love them so much.

For the May long weekend we didn't really have any plans, but it ended up being a glorious few days. Matt got off work early on Friday and was here that morning :) We ran some errands, he took me to work, and then we went to a matinee. Any day where a matinee is possible, is a good day.

Saturday afternoon we headed out to "The Land" with mom and dad. And Matt finally got to meet the majority of the Smith homestead. After the tour we headed to Waterton. We got a delish hotdog, saw some rams, and a bear and called 'er a day.

Matts dad let me borrow his camera for the summer (mostly because Matt started thinking I needed to learn to take pictures once he heard all the plans I had for pictures of the babe. And I love taking pictures). Here are a few from that day.... mostly taken by Matt. Ironic.

Home on the Range

Checking out his dandelions

Cute Parents of mine

Pops needs his treats

"Shooting Stars" His favorite flower. This one cracks me up.

SOOOO many wild sunflowers. It was gorge.

Such a happy hubs

Dad throwing dirt clumps at mother. An old pioneer game?

She just couldn't get enough of the things

Stanky flower

Im big.

Another terribly hick game...

Sunday we had a BBQ at Matts house with a bunch of his family, and then played a wild game of Poleconomy. I got second. Not bad if you know how Lowrys play their games... but I want a rematch.

Monday Matt and I sat on the couch all dang day and worked on Dental School applications. Yawn.

Now for the baby update.
I went to the Dr yesterday and he showed me where here little butt was sticking out. Cute. I kept feeling for it all day. She isn't moving enough to keep me awake, but a lot more than she used to. Somedays she gets in a weird little position and I walk around with a lopsided belly. This is my last second trimester week- WHAT! Im really not sure how that happened. But I have been feeling so good. Even the back ache I had for months has gone away. I feel like I shouldn't have said that.... I probably jinxed things.

AMP

Tomorrow is my last day of work. Whaaaaaat

I seriously never thought the day would come. I started at AMP almost exactly a week after Matt and I got married. And have spent most of my days there since.

After how many times I have complained to Matt about my job, and the many terrible thoughts I have had about the place I thought that leaving would be a little more exciting than it is proving to be.

I think its mostly because of some of the people that I work with. I had to say goodbye to the girl I am the closest with today...and kind of hated that. Its fun to have friends at work that you see everyday and can talk about life things with the work things. Im also going to miss being the go to person that knows things. That sounds ridiculous... and kind of bratty actually. I don't mean it that way.

I think it might be the scariness of the future that is adding to my mixed feelings about leaving AMP. In a week we will be moved out, and moved into Mom and Dads basement... with nothing to do but grow a baby. Its all seeming more real... and closer than I though. Yes, yes, my due date isn't until the middle of August, but it still freaks a girl out.

In other news we had another ultrasound on Monday. Baby girl (why do I ALWAYS have the urge to call her homegirl?) is growing. She is now right on schedule with where she should be. And that fluid in her kidney has disappeared. Well- we think. We have a Drs appointment tomorrow to make sure but the tech told us its looking good.

Also, I have discovered some terribly amazing baby clothes websites. And made my first order last night. And might be in trouble. I can see how shopping for such things could become very addicting.

Ultrasound Time

Last Monday was ultrasound day.
I had been counting down for weeks and was beyond excited to find out the gender. But also super nervous. So many things that could go wrong! It had been a whole  month since we heard the heart beat... on and on and on. So nervous I didn't even want to tell anyone we had the ultrasound incase something did go wrong.

Since December Matt was 100% sure that baby was a girl. Like to the point he wouldn't even discuss boy names with me, he called "it" a she (which no matter what was better than calling baby an "it" like I was doing). I had no "feelings" about what baby would be. Like none. But that didn't seem like very much fun, so after a while I just started agreeing with him. Mostly because I was scared of having a boy- I swear I am not usually this big of a wimp about things, but children... kind of a big deal.
Then about 3 weeks before our appointment I decided there was a lil baby boy growing inside of me. I day dreamed about how I would give him comb overs for church and mohawks every other day of the week. I remembered how I have always wanted an older brother, and decided that if it really was a boy I would be able to figure things out.

I left work far before I needed to for the ultrasound... like they could expect me to sit there and work when I had a baby to see!
Turns out Matt was having the same impatient problem... when I got to the office he was already there waiting for me.

Im not really sure what I was expecting... but ultrasounds are stinking cool.  One of the first things we saw was the babies heart (sigh of relief). Im not exactly sure what we saw from there on... the tech tried to keep us up to speed but I was a hopeless student. A few min in I forgot what we were there to find out. It was mind-blowing. There is actually a mini human living inside of me! Im not sure I will ever come to terms with that.

Then the tech says, K ready to know what baby is?
Me: BAHHH!!! NO.... I donno!
Matt: Yes... were ready.

"Your having a little baby GIRL!"

I flipped out.

And continued flipping out periodically throughout the night.

Matt and I went for some subpar chinese food to celebrate and then called our parents to share our news.

I feel like a little girl is just the perfect fit  for both Matt and I. I can't wait to see Matt with our daughter. My heart melts every time I see him with any baby, but especially with little girls. I can't imagine the feelings Im going to have when its our little baby!!

At the ultrasound they had an option to buy the video of  the appointment. I couldn't resist. Here is a snipit, probably not too entertaining for most. But Matt and I are hypnotized by her tiny little body parts.

At our follow up Drs appointment she told us that our baby is measuring a little small so we have another ultrasound scheduled in 3 weeks to make sure she is growing properly. But I am pretty sure she has been growing a lot lately- the last few days I have felt her moving SO much. And the little pokes she is giving me are getting stronger and stronger. Seriously... bodies are amazing.

I have felt so much better than during the first trimester. I have so much more energy and don't feel like throwing up every 5 min.

Remember that one time a co-worker came back from a dentist appointment with a frozen face and the sight of him made me gag in his face? That was awkward.

There are still some crazy things happening though... like last week when Matt was gone and I was choking on a mini wheat. I was sure I was going to die I was coughing so hard. Instead I just peed my pants. Great way to start the day.

We have bought our stroller and crib... both of which sit in our living room. Nicole says its ominous. Every time we walk into Babies R' Us I get the same feeling I got when Haliaka and I snuck into the BYU Law school lunch;  like we shouldn't be there and that everyone is looking at us like children.

Remember how I talk about how fast life goes in every other blog post... well now its changed into super warp speed and I feel like its not going to be slowing down anytime soon.

Babies

A few years ago I couldn't imagine being married. If seemed so far off, and kind of impossible. After dating Matt for a few months I started to realize that it might be something doable.
But for sure not a baby. Being a mom was for someone much more mature and stable... like my mom. MAYBE in like 10 years, but surely not any time soon. Plus the thought of giving birth literally made me dizzy.
Matt always seemed more ok with the idea. We prayed lots about it, but really just to feel ok about it one day.
I remember a few specific times last fall when I had an overwhelming feeling that the main reason I was here was to be a mom. That even though I wouldn't have any idea what I was doing, that everything I had done or experienced in my life was meant to prepare me for motherhood- and I started to get kind of excited. The feeling didn't go away, if I ever wanted to be reminded of it it would come right back.

Here are some parts of my Journal from last December:

...on the 6^th I took a test as soon as I got home from work, Matt was still at school, I couldn’t wait.  First of all, those tests are miserable to use- so gross. I left the stick for a while, and there was only one line (not prego). 
Matts phone had died so as soon as he came home I told him that I had taken the test, that it said I wasn’t pregnant, but that I felt like I was. Haha I don’t remember why I felt like that…

I showed Matt the test, and he said “Well, but there is kind of another line”. WHAT!?  I am terrible with small details, but you would think with this… sure enough I looked closer and there was a tiny tint of a line. Enough to make us think about it but we weren’t totally convinced.

We went grocery shopping that night and picked up another test. Again impatient me couldn’t wait so I took another test that night. Another faint line… but a little more than earlier. 2 tests in a row like this, and we were starting to think this was something. We had a little freak out in the bathroom… both of us were shaking a little, and then we talked in the living room for a bit. I was freaking out.

Friday I went to work in kind of a dase. I am not sure that I got any work done, I think I mostly just googled everything I could think of.  I also was super dizzy, the thought of food made me want to puke. Maybe all in me head though right?

Friday night we babysat for Carly and Ryan Bevans. Their little girl was only 3 weeks old. The timing was interesting, this really helped me to calm down. It melted my heart to see Matt take care of a baby and I realized that if this was for real we might be ok.

Saturday  morning I woke up with a terrible migrane and feeling like I was going to throw up. Matt was at ward choir and helping to clean the church. He got home at about 10 and I was flopped on the couch. I had been looking up any clinic I could find that did free pregnancy testing, and on a Saturday. There was only one, in West Jordan. And I had to be there in an hour. I threw on some sweats and Matt raced us up to the clinic. I just needed a for sure yes or for sure no. It was killing me not to know, and if a 2 hour drive would do it then it was worth it.

We go to “Wasatch Womans Center” I pee in a cup. Finally we will get a good answer. We wait. The lady calls us up to the test and says “so why did you want to take a pregnancy test?” Ummm for real?! Why do you think woman. Tell me the darn answer. She goes on to say that there was a very very faint line. So I could be, or couldn’t be. It was hard to know. Dang it! We already knew that much. She told us to come back next Saturday and they would know better. 

I started feeling a little better, but the question was in the back of my head the entire time.

Monday morning at work it was back to googling everything. This time I learned that when I was taking the tests it would be very early to get a positive test. But I learned that by Dec 10^th I would get a correct positive, if I really was pregnant. I also learned that I should take a test in the morning instead of at night. Nows a fine time to tell me. So the next morning I woke up a little earlier and we took the test. The second line showed up pretty quick that time.  Maybe this is for real!? 

The next morning I found an OBGYN and made an appointment for the 18^th.

Needless to say I was super distracted all week at work and counting down the days until I could get a for sure answer.

Saturday the 15^th (yesterday) we took Nicole up to the airport to go home for Christmas. On the way home we again stopped at the womans center. These people better be able to give me a dang answer. Pee in the cup. Up to the desk. It’s a positive!!

This is when I think we both really started to believe this was happening. We figured out how to tell our families at Christmas, and started talking about all sorts of plans and timelines and baby things.

It still seems so.. unsure to me. And there are so many things that could go wrong this early. I am so anxious for the appointment on Tuesday. And it is also killing me not to tell everyone… mostly mom. I have so many questions and I just want them to know!

My due date is August 17th. 3 days before our 2nd Wedding anniversary. 

It kind of seems like all of that was forever ago. I have had an insane amount of feelings and thoughts on the topic since then. There have been some unreal highs (hearing the babies heartbeat {twice}, telling our families, planning out the next 20 years with Matt) and some lows (I HATE not being in control of my tear ducts, waking up all through the night when I am so tired I can't see straight, and when peanut butter turned on me and I couldn't stand the smell of the stuff).

As of yesterday I am 18 weeks. Almost half way?! Scary. About 2 weeks ago most of my pants shrunk and decided not to do up any more. So I supported the top button undone, long shirt, hope no one notices style. A little risky for my tastes, so I talked Matt into taking me maternity clothes shopping last Saturday. Its hard to guess how a big baggy shirt will fit with a big baby belly underneath. They had a fake, strap on baby belly at the store you could try things on with. We strapped the ol boy on, and it freaked me right out. But it was kind of fun, Matt brought out his camera for that one- which is rare.

There have been countless "new-s". Most are exciting, some are painful, and a few just make me feel really really fatty.

Truthfully Im not sure if I feel excited or scared more often. Its probably scared. But I still know that this little baby growing inside of me is the reason that I am here. For 1000 different reasons I know that Heavenly Father is so aware of Matt and I. And I know that for all of our questions and concerns He has answers and peace for us- and that he is going to help us take care of this little person He is sending to unprepared us.

Now excuse me while I once again go slop up the teary mess that is my face. And probably eat second breakfast.

VDay and St. George

Apparently nothing noteworthy has happened since August. 

Not true. It makes me grumpy that I go 7 months without documenting anything. But we will just pretend that didn't happen start from here.

Valentines Day was awesome. The days leading up to lovie day were full of lots of hidden, fatty foods all around the house with sweet little notes attached. Matt was up super late the night before (4 am whaaat) so I felt a little bad about my breakfast surprise... but I did it anyway. I woke the poor boy up far too early and told him to hurry and get ready. We went to Kneaders and ate way too much french toast- or maybe that isn't possible at Kneaders. So good.

Matt had class late that night, but I came home to some beautiful roses and a scavenger hunt. Hubs is a creative man. And also understands my love of Reese's anything. All around the house were little clues attached to Reeses hearts.

Mr Honey Bear with his jet pack

Right as I was finishing up the hunt (ending in more fatty foods) Matt called and said he was ready for pick up. We went to Goodwood. I had been dreaming of their Nachos all day. Literally. I couldn't stop thinking about the stupid things all day. I had a blast just talking with Hubs, not being in a hurry to go anywhere, and commenting on the fabulous people watching. 

As we were leaving the restaurant mom and dad were rollin into town. It was kind of late so they just came over for a quick little visit and then headed to Grannies.

Matt has been insane crazy busy with school and getting ready for the DAT. He takes the Canadian one this Saturday and the American one in April. As if the poor boy didnt have enough to do lets throw some ridiculous soap carvings on top of it all.

So what does a good Wife do in such a time of need? Leaves town. Sad right?

My parents took Nicole and I down to St. George last weekend. I was fully expecting Hawaii like conditions. Ended up freezing my toes off in my flip flops all weekend. But we had a blast. There was a beautiful pool with palm trees right outside, it was warmer than Provo, and I saw the sun for the first time in about 2 months.

The weekend was full of lots of laughs, getting Nicoles Goat, playing Poleconomy, tons of food (like a second trip to Kneaders) and exploring the booming metropolis of St. George.

Mom and Pops on some Sand Dunes we found. Dad was making fun of a little white boy who was so white he looked blue. And then he looked at us and apparently we had the same issue. We blamed it on the red surroundings and not the fact that our lilly white skin hadn't seen sun in months.

The girl has wanted so bad to be a climber for her whole life. But for some reason is always overestimating her skill in this area (see rock climbing picture from Idaho this summer). It took all 4 of us to get her up on this little perch. 

Granny and Bud drove up and came over to the Condo for Sunday dinner. Which is always an adventure. After dinner we went on a tour of the Tabernacle and to see some very important senior game sites.

It was the first time Matt and I have spent a night away from each other. And I didn't love that at all. He was so busy I dont think he really noticed... 

Mom and Dad left this morning. Which means last night the waterworks were flowin. After 6 years of being left in Utah while they head northward you'd think I would be getting used to it. 

There. A quick overview of the last week- mostly just to make me feel better about my recent blogging absence.